There’s an immediate and seemingly insurmountable issue with modern sport sim games; especially on consoles such as the X360 and PS3. The Wii has them so well wrapped up with the dynamic and interactive nature of its control system that sitting sedately in a chair, motionless, jabbing at joypad buttons makes the gamer feels irreparably disconnected from the game. While a fascinating twist on the tennis theme like Superstars would have gone down a storm during the last generation, when everything was controlled by joypads, the Xbox 360 version is the equivalent of a Saturday morning phone in competition, when kids desperately attempt to guide an on-screen character around by shouting “Right! No, I mean left! LEFT! No, right…”.

In many respects, it’s no one’s fault. The joypad has simply been surpassed – at least as far as tennis, bowling, golf and other such active sports go. And, in Sega’s defence, this game is also available on the Wii, but we’ve only been sent the Xbox 360 version to review so unfortunately all we can do is report on a disjointed, digitally controlled spectator version of a game that harbours the potential to entertain, but only from a great distance.

There are colourful and detailed distractions aplenty in Sega Superstars Tennis, but the veil is thin enough that even the most avid Sonic fan can see through it and make a reasonably immediate decision on the quality of the tennis action – rather than the interesting nuances from the many Sega games that have been ingrained into the courts and surroundings. Twist, turn, diversify and lace with as many mini-games as you like; the core tennis gameplay is fundamental to the quality of the game, and in this respect it’s really quite average.

Clearly taking a compass bearing from Virtua Tennis (and quite rightly so), the ill-advised saturation of Sega franchises appears to take far greater precedence than the quality of the court-based mechanics. The ball never goes out, so immediately it becomes a simple matter of returning the ball without care of consequence, and the tension of the tennis match is savagely curtailed.

This brings the inherent problem with Superstars Tennis to the fore. I feel like I say this all the time, but underestimating your audience is the single biggest (and most prevalent) mistake the modern entertainment industries repeatedly make. Assuming that people are A) Not going to buy a Sega game if Sonic isn’t in it, or; B) Going to buy anything if Sonic is in it is a franchise destroying error presumably forced onto the game’s development by the corporate mind of a soulless marketing machine. The truth is, I love Sonic. I love NiGHTS even more, so seeing them reduced to performing the gaming equivalent of a lap dance at a children’s party is simply tragic.

You’re better than that, Sega. Shame on you.

This also promotes the saccharine necessity to include an off-the-cuff one liner and vulgar showboating dance in accordance with each character’s recognisable quirks after every single point. If you weren’t aggravated by Sonic and NiGHTS’ wretchedly All-American teen twangs before, you certainly will be after your first match on Superstars Tennis.

So, all mandatory inclusions of unsuitable characters/marketing ploys aside, what does the rest of the game offer? Fortunately, quite a lot. The basic tennis gameplay might shine under the blinding light of Wii Sports, but the vast range of mini-games that play on the sporting concept to “arcadeize™” it range from bloody awful to bloody superb; literally, in the case of the House of the Dead offering. Playing a hilarious type of zombie skittles, using tennis balls to knock over the undead before they stumble across the court to maul your character would make for a damn fine XBLA independent title in its own right. The tragic attempt to court Sonic’s typical, ring-collecting gameplay fails badly, however, and surmounts to a miniaturised version of Pac-Man without the redeeming features of a maze or ghosts.

There are enough unlockable qualities, such as more characters (yawn) and extra courts (visually stunning enough to keep you pushing forward much longer than the game deserves) that setting the essential tennis tournament aside and focusing on these side-quests still makes Sega Superstars worth buying.

The Superstar mode, made popular in the aforementioned Virtua Tennis, doesn’t work so well in this dumbed down offering, however. Once again, this falls to the inherent problem of including all these unnecessary brand names in the line up. Character development is essentially impossible due to the established nature of the avatars in use, so the gameplay relies more on collecting AAA rankings for the sake of it than progressing through the sporting world.

Eventually, after much perseverance, the admittedly large variety of special moves attainable by the Sega cast during play does add a unique and competitive element to the tennis action (such as Monkey Ball’s boomerang shots and Tail’s whirlwind volleys) which add enough raw arcade immoderation to genuinely entertain. Likewise, the online tournaments (and even a TV channel, for watching other players on the court) even out the stilted, schizophrenic gameplay simply by replacing the bumbling A.I. with a human – an obvious remark to make, but true nonetheless.

It seems, in the end, we have a game for the hardest of hardcore Sega franchise fans, who’ll get a physical thrill from spotting quirks and nuances from a plethora of different Sega titles, regardless of the gameplay. A collector, who can’t afford to miss a single appearance of Sonic or Jet Set Radio, won’t feel at all disappointed with this latest addition to their increasingly vast anthology, but those looking for the next sporting challenge after Virtua Tennis and Wii Sports will likely balk at Sega’s shameless and unnecessary self-promotion.

The Wii version might well bump the overall score up considerably, assuming the control system is suitably intuitive and interactive, so continue your research before parting with cash.